so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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