So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
