and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
