i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
