Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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