Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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