Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
