he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
