so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
