im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
