when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
