16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize