Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
