fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize