I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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