just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
