By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
