bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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