He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
