i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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