apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
