Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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