I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
