oh god the rape fog is back!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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