thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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