mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
