i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
