woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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