She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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