I just gift wrapped bread.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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