I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
