For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
