Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
