It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
