you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
