I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
