he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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