You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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