Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
