I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
