i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
