super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
