i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
too bad you live with your parents still
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize