Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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