i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
