i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We are all done wearing pants today
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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