I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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