Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
