his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
