Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
