The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
