no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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