bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize