I wish I could punch you in the face.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
