why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
