too bad you live with your parents still
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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