Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
