found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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