We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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