At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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