I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
